Tuesday, May 15, 2012

"He was like the cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow."~ George Eliot


Narcissism is defined as displaying excessive interest in oneself with a grandiose view of one’s own talents and a craving for admiration. Narcissists are vain, selfish and manipulative. They have a constant need for affirmation and recognition. As they are very much pre-occupied with themselves and their own ideas, narcissists are not receptive to suggestions and advice from others. Instead, they are sensitive to feedback which is often perceived as personal criticism. Notwithstanding, they are still able to attract followers as they are usually also charismatic and eloquent.

 Narcissistic Business Leaders

It is not uncommon to find leaders with narcissistic traits in the business world e.g Jack Welch of GE, Bill Gates of Microsoft and the late Steve Jobs of Apple. These leaders are well-known for being visionary and bold with the courage to venture where others have not imagined. They have created blue oceans and opened up new markets and opportunities for themselves and their own organisations. The world of technology is the best testament for these visionary leaders who through their innovation and vision to see things that never were, came up with products such as the ipad, iphone etc.

Given the strengths of narcissistic leaders in being visionary, charismatic, transformational and radical, it is not hard to understand why narcissism is a common and sought-after trait for leaders in the business world. In fact, as narcissist leadership thrives in chaotic times, large corporations are increasingly seeking out such leaders to come up with radical ideas to create a new future and leave behind a legacy.
"It was precisely that evening in Lodi that I came to believe in myself as an unusual person and became consumed with the ambition to do the great things that until then had been but a fantasy." ~ Napoleon Bonaparte, "Thoughts"


Narcissistic Leaders in Singapore

Examples in Singapore? With my entire career in the Singapore public sector, I can’t speak much about the private sector. But if I were to speak from my personal experiences in the public sector, I think narcissism doesn’t quite have a place in the Singapore public sector. Why?
I humbly believe the answer lies in the nature of narcissistic leaders which is generally incompatible with the nature of work and human relations in the public sector. This brings us to the dark side of narcissism.

The Dark Side of Narcissism

Being self-preoccupied and highly confident of their own abilities, narcissistic leaders tend to act without restraints believing that they are invincible. This feeds their feelings of grandiosity and overconfidence and makes them tune out cautionary advices from those around them. They are also highly defensive and vigilant for any signs of disagreement which may be interpreted as betrayal. This creates isolation resulting in flagrant risk-taking that can eventually lead to catastrophe if unchecked and uncontrolled.

“In all great deceivers a remarkable process is at work to which they owe their power. In the very act of deception with all its preparations, the dreadful voice, expression, and gestures, they are overcome by their belief in themselves; it is this belief which then speaks, so persuasively, so miracle-like, to the audience." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche, "The Genealogy of Morals"

Narcissistic leaders are thus poor listeners who are oversensitive to criticisms. They are selective about the information they seek and hear only those they are looking for. They are self-centred and do not work as a team. Instead, they are highly competitive and ruthless in their pursuit for victory. They do not mentor or teach others and prefer to indoctrinate or preach. They dominate meetings and cannot tolerate different opinions.
Narcissistic leaders also lack empathy. While they may crave empathy from others, they do not return the favour. They are not able and not bothered to understand how others feel by putting themselves in their shoes. They are usually manipulative and exploit those who are with them to achieve their desired outcomes.
"The narcissist devours people, consumes their output, and casts the empty, writhing shells aside." ~ Sam Vaknin
Therefore, the nature of public sector work in Singapore where collaboration and teamwork are necessary amongst various government departments and agencies to ensure achievement of collective goals will rule out narcissism which emphasises competition and personal rather than team achievement.
The tendency for narcissists to self-celebrate and indulge in delusions of grandeur will also make them unpopular choices for leadership succession in the Singapore public sector which emphasises collective achievement of goals to enhance the well-being of the nation rather than that of the individual leader.
Last but not least, their poor listening and lack of empathetic skills will make them poor in relationship management. This is an essential skill for public service leaders in Singapore given that they usually have relatively short stints in any public organisation and it is therefore important that they are able to build relationships quickly in any new organisation they are posted to ensure employee buy-in to achieve organisational goals.
Hence, I believe there is no place for narcissistic public service leaders in Singapore. Besides the reasons highlighted below, another important reason is the precedence of collectivism over individualism in Singapore (In Hofstede’s survey of the influence of culture on workplace values, Singapore ranked low in individualism – 39th out of 41 countries). Any leader that emphasises self over team, competition over collaboration and is closed to feedback and advices will not thrive in an environment where collective values and norms prevail.
Notwithstanding, the selection may sometimes fail. To mitigate the adverse impacts of any oversight, it is therefore important to educate public leaders on the importance of emotional intelligence which includes:

- Self-awareness- know their own strengths and weaknesses
- Self-management – learn controlling their own impulses
- Social awareness – empathize with other’s feelings
Relationship management – building relationships 

Summary
Narcissism can be both a strength and weakness of leadership. It all depends on the context (public or private sector) and the situation (is it a time when radical change is needed).
To ensure that productive narcissism does not become unproductive, training and practice on Emotional Intelligence are necessary. Narcissists should also learn to be open and have a good sense of humour and keep in mind the following words of Roosevelt to be less self-conscious:
"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."~ Eleanor Roosevelt
I shall end with this quote which explains narcissism with a sense of empathy, for its only with empathy that the world can be a better place:
"Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don't mean to do harm — but the harm does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves."~ T.S. Elliott


The Myth of the Narcissistic Leader by Nathan Hiller
(a good summary of the strength and weakness of narcissistic leadership)
The Narcissistic (they just don't listen)









Sunday, May 13, 2012

Tribute


Thanks to Dr Jonathan Marshall, this blog is up again after being in hiatus for close to 3 years :)

Do look out for my next post on leadership.

The first has been posted on 12 May, just before this post.

Happy Reading!

Saturday, May 12, 2012

What is Leadership?

Leadership is generally viewed as the ability to exercise influence over group members to help the organisation achieve its goals. The power to exercise influence is derived from several sources. The leader may have command power and is able to reward and punish; or he may be a charismatic leader who is able to win respect and followers because of his knowledge or inspiring vision.
There are many traits that a leader must possess e.g. intelligence, knowledge, integrity and honesty. As someone who is more relationship oriented (according to Fiedler's Contingency Theory of Leadership), I would like to share some other attributes I believe a leader must possess.

A real leader must be one who will not forsake his followers in times of crisis or when something goes wrong. A leader must be one where those under him are able to trust that he will take care of their needs and interests at all times. Hence, a leader or a manager must be brave to speak up for a deserving subordinate even if doing so may be against the expectations of others.

A leader must also have faith in his subordinates that they will perform each task to the best of their abilities. Of course, this faith should be supported by actual performance outputs. This requires the leader to know each and every one of his subordinates well enough, not just as a worker but as a unique individual. Hence, the leader must show genuine and sincere interest in wanting to know his subordinates well and also enabling others to know him too. Leaders who believe that in maintaining a distance from their subordinates will only have influence as long as he or she continues to have power to punish or reward.

A leader must have empathy. He must be willing to listen patiently when his or her subordinates raise problems and concerns about work-related issues. He must not be quick to jump in with his own views or be quick to judge and dismiss the concerns raised as excuses to do less or to remain within their comfort zone. A leader should also show interest to know any personal problem that his subordinate is facing that could affect his/her work performance and to make temporary adjustments, where possible, to help the subordinate cope. This brings back the earlier point where a leader must know each and every one of his employee well enough to know when they are not giving excuses to loaf or when their outputs reflect that they are not their usual self.

Last but not least, a leader must be willing to admit mistakes and share the burden of failure with his subordinates. For example, if a proposal is not approved or had received some negative comments from senior management, a real leader would not blame his subordinates for being careless and sloppy in overlooking key issues. Instead, he would admit that he had also contributed to the failure by similarly overlooking these issues. Without fault-finding, he would sit down and analyse the matter with his subordinates to identify the mistakes and how to proceed. By doing so, a leader makes himself a part of the team to collectively shoulder responsibilities rather than distancing himself from the team when something goes wrong.



How can I improve?

I shall focus on the point about leaders needing to be empathetic and listen effectively.

Although one of my key strengths is Empathy (according to my Strengthsfinder assessment), I need to practise harder to be an effective listener. 

Even though I am always willing and ready to lend a listening ear, I need to learn to be more patient when listening and avoid jumping in too quickly with my own views of the problem shared or suggest how the problem can be solved thinking that this is what they hope to hear. But this may not be true as sometimes, people just want to be listened to and they are not asking for solutions. They want empathy to certain unhappy or sticky situations they are in. Or they may have solutions in mind which they will bring up if they are allowed to finish what they want to say. By jumping in with my point of view and suggestions, it may put them off that I am quick to judge or lacking trust that they are capable to come up with solutions to the problems they face.

Given the importance of listening (not just listening superficially but rather with insight and awareness) and showing empathy, this is one of the areas of leadership (amongst many others) that I must seek to improve. This will certainly benefit me in becoming a better listener, one where people will trust that I am sincere in hearing their problems and not being judgemental. It also avoids perceptions of hypocrisy, enabling me to build meaningful relationships with my subordinates whilst earning their respect as a leader whom they can trust to take care of their needs and interests at all times.

I shall end with the following quotes and a short video which captures what I have said above. 

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” ― Winston S. Churchill

Quotes from Confucius:

“The nobler sort of man emphasizes the good qualities in others, and does not accentuate the bad. The inferior does.”

“If you can practise these five things with all the people, you can be called jen (means humanity and a deep empathy for others):

  • If you are courteous, you will not be disrespected;
  • If you are generous, you will gain everything.
  • If you are honest, people will rely on you.
  • If you are persistent you will get results.
  • If you are kind, you can employ people.”

"If there were one word that could act as a standard of conduct for one's entire life, perhaps it would be 'thoughtfulness.”

Video links:

Empathy Practice (do this)
Bad listener (don't do this)

What effective listening means:

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Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Late Posts Aiyy, it's a 3 month delay as my last post was in May. So will report key events which happened in the last 3 months. The Yap family went to Australia, Perth with cousin Ryan. First stop was Perth, then down south to Harvey Farm, Margaret River and back to Perth. We rented a car which we thought would be a rather comfortable saloon since it's 1.8 litre. But we were shocked to see a not too big hatch which doesn't have a full boot. Oh dear, we have 3 luggages, a car seat and 5 bodies. How to squeeze?? But we managed to make it :) every time we had to move with the 3 luggages which became fatter as the days went by. The kids had an enjoyable time in Australia, from city shopping at supermarkets most of the time since Ryan needed a constant replenishment of fresh milk, instant noodles, rice and chicken; to visiting the underwater world, to farm stay where the kids got to come up close and personal with animals such as donkey, cow, lama, chickens and rabbits. They had a really good time. They also had a chance to feed a dog which somehow knew that Ryan had unfinished pasta which he needed help to clear. We were there for 10 days. Was so fun, though tiring, that we were sad to return. Austin cried when we reached home in Singapore. The photos will be in my next post. Other interesting things that happened: i) Hansell started attending nursery classes at Kinderland, where Austin used to be from. So, familiar faces and environment for us. Hansell is also enjoying school now. Strange thing is that he will always say "I fight in school today". When you ask him with who, he'll say "with teacher"...strange?? ii) To our horror, Austin's myopia increased from 75 (end of last year) to 200 plus when we brought him for a check recently. So we made him a new pair of myovision spectacle which is supposed to control his myopia. More updates coming...soon i hope :)

Friday, May 14, 2010

June Holidays

Hooray! SA exams are over. Austin was busy preparing for his mid-year exams over the past 2/3 weeks. First, was a series of mock tests in school for English, Maths and Chinese. He faired ok but as kiasu parents, we wanted him to fare better. But there were really areas where he is weak in and so we targeted on these. Glad that the exams are finally over. But it's really the beginning of a journey full of exam preps and study. That's why i thought it's good to train him now by starting to impose curfews on when to study/play/eat etc :) While Austin was busy with his exams, Hansell was busy fighting an infection. He had fever over 3 to 5 days and finally rashes on the last 3 days when the infection was clearing up. Thank God we have Maria with us...she's the one who fed him medicine and looked after him when we were at work. So what's in store for the kids in June.....hmm it's a trip to Australia in mid-June. ....and cousin Ryan will be coming along. So it's 2 adults and 3 kids, ranging from 2.5 yrs to 9 yrs old. Think it's going to be tough...hmm Will update again when we are back....

Monday, January 18, 2010

Austin in School

My last post was in Dec 09. How time has passed. It is already 2010 and Austin has been in school for the past 2 weeks. He is coping well in school so far, and is enjoying it. He told me last Saturday morning that he likes Mon to Fri as he can go to school. Sat and Sun are boring because he doesn't need to go to school. What a surprise. He used to say the reverse when he was in kindergarten. His teachers are all nice, according to him. There are a few, though, he finds them strict and is quite afraid of them. Well, it's not a big concern since we all have teachers whom we were particularly afraid of when we were young. Perhaps that's how those teachers make sure you complete their homework and pay attention in class. On 8 and 16 Jan, daddy and I went to attend parent support classes in Austin's school. Took some photos of his classroom. Posted one below. On Sunday 17 Jan, we brought the kids to the zoo. Austin was Hansell's guide for the day. And poor Hansell, he fell down a few times that day. Here are some photos taken. Watch out for that komodo dragon, it aims for the legs when attacking its prey. And the leopard, it's interesting. I gestured to the cat asking him to walk over for a photo. And indeed he did, and went over for a drink.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Trip to Haw Par Villa

Austin is reading "Xi You Ji". So we brought him to HPV to learn more about the legendary figures of Xun Wu Kong, Zhu Ba Jie and Tang Sen. Austin was fascinated. We also brought him to the Court of Hell where he learnt that one would be punished in the 10 courts of hell for committing sins in one's lifetime. Is a good way to educate children to be good. That one will be punished nevertheless for the sins committed while one is alive. As the saying goes "shan you shan pao, er you er bao. Bu shi bu bao, zhi shi shi chen wei dao". This is the solemn reminder at the entrance to the Court of Hell.